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Because Each of Us Matters

Tuesday, 19. November 2013 15:02

Swallowtail Butterfly share flowersHave you ever thought about who makes up your “we”? Is it your family, your partner, your political party, or your work associates?  Or maybe it’s the human race, or all the creatures of the earth?  Perhaps your answer changes depending on the issue at stake.

The way you navigate between the needs of I, you and we in your life can be tricky. How do you meet your needs and the needs of others when they compete? For example, if your “I “ almost always comes second to your service to others in your life, how does that feel for you?  Alternatively, how does it feel if you almost always seek to meet your own needs before considering the needs of others?

Say these definitions to yourself:

Loving only you is self-less;

Loving only me is selfish and

Loving me and you is self–full.

And these:

Each of us is responsible for meeting our own needs; and

Your needs and my needs matter equally, not more or less.

How was that for you?

I find it empowering to know that our needs matter equally and that I can trust you to take care of yourself. It means I can care about others (you and we) in my life without abandoning me. It enhances my respect for both of us.

I can always choose to consider our needs together in my solution set.  That’s not an obligation, it’s a choice, and that encourages me to discover creative solutions that solve problems in ways that benefit more of us.

In this context, one of my favorite questions is this:

“What choices bring more love and abundance to me, to you and to us?”

Finding your way to meet the needs of I, with you and we, may fill a lifetime.  Hopefully, each of us seeks a balance that not only nurtures us, but also allows us to contribute to our community and to our world in meaningful ways.   Because each of us matters – and how we live this consciousness makes all the difference.




Category:Relationships, Self Actualization, Uncategorized, Wellness | Comment (0) | Autor:

Why Taking Care of Yourself Might Just Help Heal the World

Sunday, 23. October 2011 14:06

When I talk with some coaching clients, they often tell me that it’s hard to take time for themselves. It makes them feel “selfish” and that, they say is a bad thing.  But I disagree with their premise. I don’t think that taking care of yourself is necessarily the same as being selfish.    In fact, if you look closely, taking care of yourself could be beneficial for everyone.  How?  Let’s start with some definitions:

Self-ish : you put your needs above others

Self-less:  you put others needs above yours

Self-caring:  your needs are equal to the needs of others.

I believe if every person could practice self-care, that the world would heal itself. Why?  Just imagine how we would treat each other if no one’s needs were greater or lesser than anyone else’s.   So, if I believe that my need for X is just as important as your need for Y – and you feel the same way, my guess is that we could create a solution that respectfully allows us to both get what we need.  Maybe we could take turns, or find a way to share available resources.  We could relax because we could trust one another and ourselves.

And yes, sometimes being self-less does make sense, like when you put your life on the line to rescue a child from a burning building, or some situation that compels you to take heroic action. However, on a day-to-day basis, being self-less can create resentment, anger and inequality… not a condition that adds to mutual respect and understanding.

So, I say, acknowledge and honor what you need, and respect the needs of others.  Realize that everyone has needs and rights – even you.  Try to work with others to create mutually satisfactory solutions.  If the other person doesn’t cooperate (either because they are selfish or self-less) you still have nothing to lose, because you will have acknowledged and addressed your needs.  Maybe others will follow your example.   If everyone did exactly that and developed more self- esteem and mutual respect, perhaps there would be peace on earth.   Or, at least a little more kindness.

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