I recently attended a high school reunion and had a wonderful time. I know lots of folks don’t feel that way about their high school get-togethers, so I feel particularly lucky. Perhaps it’s partly because I attended a “special” high school in Manhattan, where little attention was paid to one’s ethnic and socioeconomic background. Many of us traveled a far distance from neighboring boroughs to get to Manhattan every day, so students were motivated to learn.

For some of us, Stuyvesant High School provided a welcome escape from dysfunctional family life, tough neighborhoods, difficult junior high experiences, and the many other places where we just didn’t seem to fit. There were few fights at school, and to the best of my knowledge, no bullying. In short, at “Stuy”, we had a place to go that felt safe.

That’s not to say that we were all friends, and that there wasn’t typical teenage angst and suffering, but it was a community, one that embraced a live and let-live attitude. Now, almost 35 years later, it’s clear that while most of us have had our share of tragedy, success, love and loss, we are genuinely happy to see each other.

When you think about it, our high school peers are the people who knew us in the raw, when life was still fresh and innocent. The newness of love, lust, joy and hurt were magnified about 1000 times back then and every discovery was tremendously exciting as a result. It was a time of possibility, deep human learning and boundless energy. Our high school peers are the people who knew us when we were kernels that had not yet popped.

And although we share many “secrets”, it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. These are the people who know if you were a geek, a stoner or a jock. Fortunately, we seem to have moved beyond the labels that once bound and limited us. At the same time, these folks have a foundational understanding of who we are as individuals, long before we became moms, dads, poets or people in charge of many things.

This shared history allowed me to experience a few magnificent moments at the reunion. It was delicious to be in the presence of people who could still see the shiny, exuberance of youth in each other’s eyes and smiles, while losing track of graying hair, extra pounds and the fine lines of experience etched across our faces.

This experience made me keenly aware that being part of a community that shares values, and values acceptance, is a great gift. Being with people who can see past the exterior and can acknowledge and appreciate the kernel of your raw individuality and share a joyful moment is a soul celebration. Perhaps not all high school reunions afford the same gifts, but my hope for you and I, is that we have many more opportunities to experience and to create these connections throughout our lives, for ourselves, and for others, at work, at play and in our world community.

After 40 years, I’ve learned through experience that effective communication enables successful living. Nevertheless, I’m not an expert, so I asked Laurie Schloff, nationally recognized executive communications trainer and coach, (and author of two popular books – Smart Speaking and He and She Talk), to share her Top Six Secrets of Effective Leadership Communication with me.     She offered many interesting insights in her interview, which you can listen to below.  

 Here’s a summary of  a few key points from the interview that I found especially compelling:

Being an effective communicator becomes increasingly important as you progress in your career.  At a certain point, technical expertise is expected and  leadership success is measured by your ability to motivate and inspire others.

Good news!  Anyone can improve his or her communication skills, even if public speaking terrifies you!  There are tools that most of us can learn to help us improve.  It all starts with awareness of how you communicate and the impact you are having on others, so practice self-reflection and ask for feedback from your trusted friends and associates, or visit with a coach.  Schloff also suggests that practicing and preparing for communication events helps build confidence.

Don’t forget, communication encompasses more than just the words you say.  It also includes the content of your message and non-verbal cues like posture, behavior and even how you look.  The sound of your voice also has impact.  For example, ask yourself, do you speak clearly and enthusiastically or do you tend to mumble or speak in monotone? 

Here are Laurie’s top six secrets of effective leadership communication.  More details and tips are available in the recording.  

1. Value good communication
2. Employ a communication philosophy, or mission statement
3. Turn your philosophy into action
4. Be a role model by creating a positive communication culture
5. Mentor and train others in your organization
6. Create accountability for upholding established communication guidelines

Here are her top five DON’Ts for good leadership communication.  Again, give the interview a listen if you’d like more specifics and implementation tips.  

1. Don’t be a jerk
2. Don’t hide
3. Don’t  just  notice the negatives (Give 3 positives for every negative)
4. Don’t be unclear with your message
5. Don’t think everyone is like you:  vary your leadership and communication  according to the needs of person(s) with whom you are communicating 

For more information, contact Laurie  via e-mail at laurie@speechimprovement.com or call her at the Speech Improvement Company at 617-739-3330.    Visit the Speech Improvement Company  site  to find webinars and other communication resources  and to learn more about  in-person and remote coaching. 

Much success to you in all your communication endeavors!