Thursday, 15. November 2012 15:00
What is suffering? Simply put, it’s not accepting the truth. When you fight with reality, you create resistance and the energy it requires is painfully unproductive. Some examples:
- You no longer love your lover but you stay with that person and pretend that everything is okay.
- Your lover no longer loves you and you hope that if you are really good, sexy, well behaved (fill in the blank____) that your lover will love you again.
- Your arm has been amputated and you try to do the same old things in the same old way.
I’m not saying that you can’t grieve your losses or that it‘s easy. It’s sad when something we want or that we treasure changes. I’m going through a divorce, and although I know it is my right path, it hurts to face reality, and there is grief. But I find that simply longing for the past, coddling the loss or even making wild ass strategic plans to force someone else to change, doesn’t usually get me back to where I wish I could be. So go ahead and feel your sadness, feel your grief, and then, when you’re ready, can you allow that small, but brilliant voice inside you to say, “This is my new reality – what now?”
I am not saying that its fun to “cowboy up” or that it doesn’t hurt like hell. What I am saying is that the longer you live in denial of your reality, you prolong your suffering. Once you say to yourself, “I no longer have two arms, so what can I do with one arm and two legs,” – or, “I can no longer stay in this relationship, so what relationships do I want to create now?” – the faster you can get back into alignment with what is possible and right for you. Once you reclaim your ability to make choices that nourish you and heal you, suffering begins to shrink.
Denial is okay too. Sometimes it is the best we can do. If denial is what you need to take care of yourself, accept it, know it, embrace it and forgive yourself. But please don’t betray your heart forever. If you do, you may lose your soul, and that is a big price to pay for the cold comfort of numbness.
Suffering is a choice. What choices are you making?