What’s the best thing about you? Do you know?  Are you a yarn spinner, a good listener, an idea person, perhaps good with your hands?

Knowing what you are good at and putting your talent to good use is one of the most important secrets to success and fulfillment. This assumes that whatever your natural gifts are, you feel good when you use them. Although that is not always the case, it usually is.

In short, the more you can find a way to match your abilities to the way you spend your time (both in and out of work); the more your joy quotient will rise.  It may not be easy – sometimes you may be in a job or a relationship that is just not a good fit for you.  For example, if you love people and work all day alone at a computer, you may need to reconsider your career choice or your job.  Or, perhaps you can find a way to add dimension to your work situation, by serving on a committee or acting as a liaison.  If you can’t employ your talents at work, can you find a sufficient outlet that fulfills you in your free time?   With some creative thinking, you can often find ways to interject the things that you love into your life.  And when you do this successfully, you’ll know.  You will feel more alive.

However, there are ways to get derailed.  Sometimes our assumptions about roles, should-do’s, and ought-to-do’s get in our way.  Until you can identify those negative thought patterns in yourself and work through them, you may limit your joy and your effectiveness.   If you feel stuck, try questioning your assumptions and your perspective.  If you spend all your time wondering, ‘How should I be acting,’ in any given situation, rather than enjoying how you are, it’s going to be hard to relax and flow.  Most of us are at our best, when we can be who we are –so how can you get there?

Here are some questions to help you get started thinking about this:

1) What is it that I am good at, and enjoy doing?

2) Do I currently employ those skills in my life, if so, where, when and with whom?

3) If not, why not?  What thoughts prevent me from doing so? (Some examples:   “I have to act like a boss,”  “I make more money doing this job than I would working at what I love,”  “My boyfriend doesn’t like it when I spend time doing my art,” “I better crack a joke to launch this speech even though I am the worst joke teller ever,”  and on and on.)

4) Then pick one small thing you are willing to change that will allow you to be more of yourself in any given situation.  (e.g., “I will try collaborating rather than giving direct orders at the next staff meeting,” or maybe, “I’ll use a touching quote to launch my talk rather than a joke.”  Maybe you need to take a class in something you love and start migrating toward a different career.)

5) Once you try your one small action, assess and experiment. How did it go?  Do you need to correct for something and try it again?  Can you add-on or repeat your last action?  Keep building and see where it takes you.

6) Repeat as needed.

In short, get creative and ask yourself how you can use your talents as the cement that holds the bricks of your life together in a pleasing pattern that serves you.

Most of the time, no matter what your circumstances, you can find a way to bring your talents to bear, and you, and others will be glad you did.

With that, I leave you with inspiration from a popular Lady Gaga song, “Born This Way.”     Also at http://youtu.be/xG0wi1m-89o

I grew up hating competition, probably because I was taught that if you aren’t the winner, the best you can be is the first loser.  According to my impossible family guidelines, it was as impolite to win, as it was shameful to lose.  One of my parent’s favorite sayings, “You just can’t win,” clearly and ironically sums up a key message of my youth.

Good news.  I’ve come to understand that “healthy competition” is possible, something many other people have understood for a long time.  I believe that healthy competition means that you grow and challenge yourself to be better than you were before.  It’s also an opportunity to learn from others. A competitor’s accomplishments can provide a benchmark for performance and sometimes inspiration to take action.

I re-experienced this recently when my blog was entered into a Best Coaching Blog competition.  Competing with other terrific blogging coaches, I ask myself, what if I don’t win?  The answer is no big deal.    At the same time, in the name of “competition,” I’m increasing readership and learning how to improve the blog.  So just engaging in the process is valuable for me.  In fact, I’ve noticed that my “competitors” are cool people who I want to know.  After all, we share a common vision.  We all value helping others to lead happier, healthier lives.

On the other hand, I’ve witnessed what a bummer it can be when competition is an end in itself.  A “winning is all that matters” perspective is often a shackle instead of a magic carpet ride.  Basing our self-worth solely on winning, or constantly comparing ourselves to others can be hazardous to the soul.  Competing with myself (like what did I learn? or, how can I get better at this thing I love doing?) has been way more productive for me and has resulted in happier outcomes. Check out the movie “Bridesmaids” for a funny but sad look at the way we humans can contort situations when we measure our self-worth by constantly comparing ourselves to others.

I guess competition is like most things in life. In and of itself, it isn’t good or bad, but rather its meaning takes shape by how you play the game.

Love to know how you handle competition.  Is it working for you?

Armed with a few simple concepts, you can create an office that reduces stress and improves your productivity according to Linda Varone, an award winning home and office design consultant.  Restaurants, retail stores and hotels have spent tons of money on research to figure out how to best use their environments to get consumers to behave in specific ways. Varone says it’s easy to take lessons from them. In our interview, Varone talks specifically about the tricks retailers employ, and how to use their insights to improve your home or corporate office. If you want to learn Linda’s tips, give a listen by clicking or downloading below.  I’ve summarized some of the key points in this post, but some of the best details are in the recording.

Here’s a summary of the five principles Varone suggests you can use to affect your workspace. One of the key principles is to match your space to your work style – for example, are you creative and active or more contemplative in your work?

Color

Bold colors pull you outside of yourself and encourage you to move around while softer colors support analytic or focused work.  Varone points out that color isn’t just for looks, it actually transmits energy.

Lighting

Keep lighting soft for focused work.  Don’t depend on overhead lighting to meet all your work needs.  Varone recommends keeping a table lamp (not a desk lamp) on your desk to bring light closer to your work.  Desk lamps, unlike table lamps, tend to fatigue the eyes. Listen to Varone’s interview for more details on the how’s and why’s of this.  She says table lamps are less important for physically active workers, while craft or fine work may require a task lamp in addition to an overhead light source.  In all situations, Varone recommends you choose warm or soft light compact fluorescents to avoid a harsh, cold feel.

Indoor Landscaping/Connection to Nature

Nature brings peace and balance into our lives, so don’t forget to add a little nature to your workspace.  If you have the option, move your desk next to a window to allow for natural light and to get a view of the sky or some greenery.  If that’s not possible, try a potted plant.   She says it will make a difference.

Music/Sound

This is more of a personal preference; but here are some suggestions. For focused work, try playing quiet music that is slow and harmonious, like classical music or jazz.  Another alternative is to play a CD of nature sounds, or, if it makes sense, open your window.  On the other hand, if you engage in physical or routine work, louder, more upbeat music (with tempo variations) like pop, rock, disco or opera could be more conducive to wellness.

Temperature

Keep the temperature moderate; too cold or too hot may make it difficult to focus.  At a shared corporate office, this may be difficult to manage, so consider having a fan or an extra layer of clothing nearby, just in case.

If you’d like to dig deeper, take a look at Varone’s book, “The Smarter Home Office: 8 Simple Steps to Increase Your Income, Inspiration and Comfort” or visit her site at www.thesmarterhomeoffice.com .  Varone’s  been helping people add warmth, energy and comfort to their spaces since 1991, using a unique combination of the style of interior design and the insights of architectural psychology.  You can contact her at 781-643-8697.

It occurs to me that not every mother is perfect. It also occurs to me, that not all of us have chosen or been embraced by motherhood.  At the same time, it is true that everyone one of us has had a mother.  For that reason, (regardless of the nature of your relationship), we must be grateful.  Without mom (and dad) we would not have the gift of life.

As  the philosopher Rajneesh said, “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”   Because there is little training available to new mothers, they can and do make mistakes. Some of us are super lucky, because not only did mama birth us, but she  also provided loving inspiration.  Others of us may have suffered a bit,  because our mom wasn’t always very good at being the mom we imagined she should be.  As a woman  who has engaged in motherhood, I know that I have faced challenging decisions, and I know in hind-sight,  that not every choice I made was optimal.

Luckily for me, my child is grown into a wonderful man who is capable and kind.  I feel blessed to be here  to watch him grow into the man he continues to become.   I also feel blessed because I had the resources to provide the basics for him.  My choices were spiritual and intellectual, not about survival.  Sadly, this is not true for many moms around the world. Some very loving mothers cannot adequately clothe or feed their children.   A blog post on “womenfound” reminded me of this today.   Check it out.  If you had a mom, and you had your basic needs met, I consider you to be lucky too.

Join me in thanking all the moms out there.  They made this day possible.

Is it possible that the old adage, “you are what you eat,” could also translate to “you are what you make for dinner”? When Glamour magazine introduced their new book “100 Recipes Every Woman Should Know: Engagement Chicken and 99 Other Fabulous Dishes to Get You Everything You Want in Life” on the Today show, it got me thinking.

Could the food you serve be a metaphor for your personality and attitudes?  Once I pictured all the people I know and what they make for dinner, I became convinced that an association does exist!

Check it out – Below, I listed the categories I created. Take the quiz and let me know if I’m onto something.  Buyer beware, I used no known scientific principles in the creation of this nomenclature.

1. First, pick the category of food that best matches what you serve yourself and others for dinner most often to determine your primary style.  If you have hybrid dinner habits, you can assign percentages to the different categories to create a more complex personality profile.  (That’s what happened with me. I ended up as a Simple Food 50%, Exotic and Spicy 25%, Gourmet and Healthy Takeout, 20%, and Meat and Potatoes 5%.   I am also a Store-Bought Baker.)

• Gourmet
• Meat and Potatoes
• Simple Food  (e.g. meatloaf, soups, grilled fish, salad and roast chicken)
• Vegetarian or Vegan 
• Exotic  and Spicy
• Whatever I Have in the Cupboard and Fridge ( e.g. soup, cereal, canned or frozen foods)
• Gourmet or Healthy Take-Out  
• Fast Food Take-Out
• Mama Bear Baker  (e.g. chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin cookies, brownies, fruit  crisp)
• Boutique Baker  ( e.g. Truffle Cake, Pavlova , Passion Fruit Soufflé)
• Store-Bought Baker
• Someone Else Takes Care of My Dinner

 2. Now read what personality traits and attitudes are assigned to each of your categories:

• Gourmet:  I want nothing but the best for me and my loved ones.  I pay great attention to detail and am a bit of a perfectionist with a need for creative expression.
• Meat and Potatoes: I am the salt of the earth, hardy, sturdy, direct, loyal, and dependable.
• Simple Food:  I’m hospitable, loving, and down to earth.  I’ll take care of you, no fuss, and make you feel at home.
• Vegetarian or Vegan: I’m health conscious, environmentally aware, and empathetic to others and their causes.
• Exotic and Spicy:  I enjoy the exotic and spicy side of life and I have a flair for the dramatic.
• Whatever I Have in the Cupboard and Fridge:  Don’t bore me with the mundane details of life; Iwant to get on with it and enjoy myself.  I hate wasting time on the details, but I will take care of whatever has to be done.
• Gourmet or Healthy Take-Out:  I’m in a hurry to live my life and get on with it.  I don’t have much time, but I want my basic needs met with style, and I am willing to pay money for it.
• Fast Food Take-Out: I’m in a hurry to live my life and get on with it.  Time and money are precious resources to me, so don’t bore me with details.  Whatever I do have time to do, I want it to give me the satisfaction I deserve.
• Mama Bear Baker:   I am nurturing and enjoy a sense of community. 
• Boutique Baker:  I am caring and gracious, and feel a need for creative expression.
• Store-Bought Baker:  I am caring, and like to participate in community, but I am busy with other things in life besides relationships.
• Someone Else Takes Care of my Dinner: I am responsible and busy. I have others in my life that care more about cooking than I do, so I am willing to let them take care of me so I can take care of my business.  

What type are you?  Did it fit? Did I miss any? Please share!  I’d love to hear your feedback.

Check out the information on the Glamour cookbook and their now famous “Engagement Chicken.”  Since the first publication of the recipe in 2004, countless readers used it to get engaged so it was the inspiration for their recipe book.

Got your resolutions in hand? Ready to rock? If in about a week, you start to feel like a total failure because you didn’t meet your own expectations, your resolutions have gone wrong. Very wrong. Give yourself a virtual hug and please don’t give up in exasperation. It’s okay to start again. This time, start with a realistic view of what’s necessary, what’s achievable and most importantly, what sounds fun!

When obligation meets inspiration, you hit your sweet spot. Example: When you not only know that you want to get fit, but you also look forward to your fitness activity, you are inspired to make it happen. If obligation (the “I must”, “I should”) is all that’s driving you, the gas tank in your soul may hit EMPTY. Look to inspiration and fun to keep you going.

TWO STRATEGIES FOR Creating Inspiration:

1. FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT PLAY: Get creative about your approach. If you HATE and DREAD doing your activity, guess what, you probably won’t do it. So design an activity that sounds fun (or at least palatable) to you. If you hate working out alone, find a partner. If you don’t enjoy the gym, start dancing, walking, or try martial arts. Need to change jobs, but can’t even think about it? Ask a trusted friend to help, or seek professional assistance. There are countless ways to get to your goal in an inspiring way; try one! If it doesn’t suit, try another!

2. SMALL IS BETTER THAN NOTHING IS AT ALL: Whatever your ambition, look for a way to make it achievable. If need be, take very small steps. Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare? Small steps often work better than biting off more than you can chew, getting frustrated, and giving up altogether.

The key is, set yourself up for success. Pick any amount of time that allows your gut to respond enthusiastically with, “I CAN DO THAT!” Don’t let your brain convince your gut that you need to add more time. You can always do more IF YOU WANT TO! The idea of small “turtle” steps is you commit to a minimum amount of time that you know you can achieve. Remember, no amount of time is too small! For me, it’s been writing my book for 10 minutes a day, three days a week and adding more time as it feels right. Guess what? Its’ working!

In short: To achieve more  success, find creative ways to change obligation into inspiration.

Class Notes: There are many tools available to you to get projects and goals completed. If you think more support will help you  achieve your fitness and wellness goals, check out my new group class Kick Start Wellness Coaching Workshop starting January 19th and learn how to get it done.

Brain Scans from the UBC Study

I love to jump on my bike and ride a very familiar 20-mile loop near my home. What I’ve noticed on these solitary rides is that it’s as if my mind breaks free of its normal barriers and I find creative solutions to nagging problems. So when I’ve gotten off my bike in the last several months, I’ve literally stumbled upon a new name for a business, a book idea, a terrific resolution to a disagreement, and other very cool answers to problems that were on my mind.

Then I found out why this happens. It’s not just me! You can tap this source of inspiration and creativity too.  How? Why?  According a press release from the University of British Columbia, a study published in 2009 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found that activity in numerous brain regions actually increases when our minds wander. The study identified that brain areas associated with complex problem solving, previously thought to go dormant when we daydream, are actually highly active during that time.

“Mind wandering is typically associated with negative things like laziness or inattentiveness,” said lead author of the study, Prof. Kalina Christoff, UBC Dept. of Psychology. “But this study shows our brains are very active when we daydream – much more active than when we focus on routine tasks.”

 For the study, subjects performed a simple routine task (pushing a button when numbers appeared on a screen) while researchers tracked the subjects’ moment-to-moment attentiveness using brain scans, self-reported data and performance tracking.

 The findings suggest that daydreaming – which can occupy as much as one third of our waking lives – is an important cognitive state that allows us to unconsciously turn our attention away from immediate tasks so we can sort through important problems in our lives. Apparently, when we daydream, two brain networks activate in parallel. Until this study, scientists thought that when one network activated during daydreaming, the other one went dormant. In fact, the less aware the subjects were that they were daydreaming, the more active both brain networks became.

 The quantity and quality of brain activity found by this research suggests that people struggling to solve complicated problems might do better to let go of the struggle and instead, let their mind wander while doing a simple task.

 ”When you daydream, you may not be achieving your immediate goal – say reading a book or paying attention in class – but your mind may be taking that time to address more important questions in your life, such as advancing your career or personal relationships,” commented Christoff.

So there it is. Next time you’re struggling with an issue, feel free to wander about the cabin of your mind!

Maryam Zar, Womenfound

Have you ever asked yourself, “What’s my passion?” Or, even, “Now that I’ve found my passion, how can I make my dream come true?”   It’s my privilege to share one woman’s inside look at the highs and lows of discovering and realizing her dream. 

Maryam Zar, JD, and founder of  Womenfound made the leap of faith when she gave up ownership of her six profitable retail stores in Los Angeles to make a difference in the lives of women in need.  At the age of 41, with three young children at home, she started a venture that donates all of its profits to women’s charities around the globe. According to Zar, she loves advocating for women because women have a positive and enabling effect on other women.

Currently, Womenfound.org and Womenfound.com are respectively, an awareness website focused on women’s issues and a retail website/boutique in Brentwood, California. The physical shop sells jewelry, gifts and accessories and currently donates all of its profits to charities that aid and empower women.  Unlike other charitable stores, Womenfound’smerchandise is not donated; it’s top quality merchandise purchased by Zar.

Even though Zar has passion and skill on her side, she acknowledges that being her own boss and heading up a nonprofit organization doesn’t mean there aren’t bumps along the road. She chats about mistakes she’s made along the way, but accepts the good with the bad.

You can listen to, (or download) Zar’s insightful and honest story here.

If you’re unable to listen, here are some highlights from the interview that I found especially interesting:

While Zar loves what she does and is excited to go to work every morning, she admits that it took some time to make her move. Because change is often hard, Zar suggests that “Talking with others, or making a business plan allows you to see what you have to do, so you can implement your inspiration.” Once you have what she calls “critical mass” and you can see all the pieces of your plan, you can work yourself into taking a first step.  “Nothing,” she explains, “happens overnight.” 

Whether you are solo or committed, you must also reckon with the economic realities of running a start-up.  While Zar has a supportive spouse in her life, she asserts that she would have found a way to follow her passion even if her circumstances were different.  As she puts it, “Do what you can with what you have, where you are.”

Last but not least, Zar encourages anyone with a dream to keep the faith. “Believe that you will get there, and then take one-step at a time.” She says it may take awhile, but when you are ready emotionally and psychologically, you can make your move.

My wish for you is that like Maryam Zar, you too will find your passion and make it happen. 

To learn more about Womenfound, visit  www.womenfound.org and www.womenfound.com.

Correction: Please note that at the original date of this publication, Womenfound’s California nonprofit application is awaiting approval. 

The High Line in Manhattan is a very cool , ”elevated”  westside park/walking area with gorgeous gardens and fantastic views of local rooftops.  Being there, I marveled at the ingeniousness of its invention.  It is remarkable how a city can provide small, beautiful spaces that enable respite and inspiration.  And that was just what I needed when all hell was breaking loose and nothing was working right.  High Line gave me a few moments of peace, far from cancelled airplane flights, disappointments, and flooded basements. 

I ask you, what’s your High Line?

For a real treat, check out posted photos of High Line and go to visit next time you’re in New York.  Apparently, there are a variety of classes and events available.   For more information, check their site

The High Line, NYC

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Here’s a little more background:

The High Line was originally constructed in the 1930s, to lift dangerous freight trains off Manhattan’s streets. Section 1 is currently open as a public park, owned by the City of New York and operated under the jurisdiction of the New York City Department of Parks & Recreation.

When all sections are complete, the High Line will be a mile-and-a-half-long elevated park, running through the West Side neighborhoods of the Meatpacking District, West Chelsea and Clinton/Hell’s Kitchen.

Enjoy!