Reframe the Blame

Frustrated?  Want to change your situation? As I learned to coach, I found that what I think of others is often a mirror of my own thinking and my own behavior.  Sounds crazy, right?  Well, next time you notice yourself blaming someone else for something, try turning it around to yourself, like this:

“He doesn’t like me,”


“I don’t like me.” Or, “I don’t like him.”

“I need her to pay more attention to me,”


“I need me to pay more attention to me,” or “I need to pay more attention to her.”

“He hurt my feelings,”


“I hurt my feelings,” or “My thoughts hurt my feelings.”

I found my “turn-arounds” were often true, or truer than my original thought.  Suddenly, a situation that I thought was happening to me, appeared to be a situation that I had helped to create!

Question the impact you think others have on you – and you on them.   At the end of the day, even if you have some influence over others, you don’t really have control over what they do and think.   And, guess what? They have no real control over what you do and think, either,   but you do.

So, if you really want to change your circumstances, re-frame the blame…ask yourself what you want and what you can do FOR YOURSELF to get what you want and need.  It can be very enlightening.

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Date: Thursday, 9. June 2011 11:58
Trackback: Trackback-URL Category: Relationships, Self Actualization, Wellness

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