How to Spot A Cheater

Okay, what’s the deal?  How many sports figures, politicians, holier than thou preachers, stars, and even regular guys and gals are cheating on their marriages or their partner?  While I truly believe that kind, honest communication and respect is the basis for long-term healthy relationships, I also know that sometimes, that is not what you get from your partner.  Because the first step in resolving a problem is to know that there is one, here are some tips to help you figure out if you are being lied to.

According to author and Marriage Counselor M. Gary Neuman, here are the first signs of marital cheating to look for:

  • Spending  more time away from home
  • Having less sex
  • Avoiding contact (e.g., partner doesn’t answer the cell phone)
  • Being more critical of partner

If you suspect your partner of cheating, Federal Law Enforcement Officer and author, Janine Driver, who appeared on the Dr. Oz TV show, suggests you can use verbal and non-verbal cues to determine if your suspicions are true.   (Even though Driver specifies “men” in her work, I assume these can be generalized to women as well, but I haven’t been able to substantiate that notion yet.)  Here’s a summary of her Verbal and Non-Verbal Tips to help you Spot a Cheater:

Some Verbal Indicators of Deception – When your partner says….

Liars, Watch Your “Buts”
“I know you’re going to think I’m making this up, BUT…”
“I know you think I’m lying, BUT”
“I know this isn’t going to make sense, BUT…”

Character Testimony
“Just ask my friends they’ll tell you I’d never cheat on you!”

Common Deception Statements
“I knew this was going to happen to me!”
“Are you asking me if I’m cheating on you?”
“What kinds of person do you think I am?”
“I’d have to be stupid to cheat on you!”
“Why would I cheat on you?”

No Versus Never
Liars will often use the word “never” instead of “no” when you confront them. “Nevers” are simply an attempt at trying to convince us that they are telling us the truth.

Pronoun No No’s
When your partner is cheating and you confront him, he may use the pronouns “we” and “us” and if he does consider yourself warned because these pronouns always indicate there is a partnership, such as “We occasionally have lunch together but that’s it, there’s nothing romantic between us.” – BUSTED!

Some Nonverbal Indicators of Deception –When you see your partner….

An Increase in Manipulators
A “manipulator” is any time your man touches one part of his body with another part of his body, i.e., rubs his neck, throat or leg, touches his nose, runs his tongue across the front of his teeth, etc. 

Navel Intelligence
Liars may direct their belly button toward the door once you turn up the heat.  This move is sending the signal that they want to get out of there.

They’ve Got to Move it, Move it
Liars will often adjust their bodies during or after a lie to let off the stress and anxiety.

What next?  That’s the hard part, what to do if you find out your beloved has strayed? There is no easy answer.  There are many variables that go into determining what to do, and only you can know what is right for you.  More on that in future….

 To learn more on body language, read Janine Driver’s book, You Say More Than You Think: A 7-Day Plan For Using the New Body Language to Get What You Want and visit the websites,

 Watch the segment at

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Date: Thursday, 25. February 2010 19:26
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